Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
