his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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