omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
