You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
