Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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