I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
