Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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