she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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