It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
