whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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