Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
