I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I am midnight drunk by noon
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
