you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
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