Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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