In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
