Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Randomize
