All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
