I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
