Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
