Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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