we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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