Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize