I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
