Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
