I love black thongs
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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