STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
