well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
