if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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