I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
whose parrot is this?
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