ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
