He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
