hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
