you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
