i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
is that a dick in a sweater?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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