I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
