Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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