i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
