I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
