we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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