hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
