i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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