my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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