What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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