I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
The ass gains better be worth it
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