i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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