I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
