Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
