You smell like stripper and shame
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
