I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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