i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
