i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
