I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
