oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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