Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm bleeding and have questions
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
