dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
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