Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
