Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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