my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
