I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
