Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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