i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
