too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
