I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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